Yoga or Drown

I've been futzing about with something called a balance brace. Sometimes it's called, apparently, a static brace. Here's a picture just so it's clear what I'm talking about:

That's not me by the way. You can tell it's not me because I can't do that. If that was me there would be several differences:

1. I would have a real paddle not a flat stick
2. I wouldn't have that little wood thing on my deck because I'll (probably) never hunt seals
3. My face would be about 3 inches under water and I'd be drowning

So, like I said, I've been fooling about with this balance brace thing trying to get it because it looks cool and, no need to tell you I'm sure,  looking cool on the water is a strong motivator to do more or less purposeless things with ones boat and body. But despite my motivation I can't get it. I think I'm in the proper position. I'm definitely on the side of the boat like that. I think my back is flat. The only thing I can guess is wrong is that I don't have the boat far enough off of me to hold me up. Which is to say, if my assessment is correct, I'm not flexible enough to do this thing. Reducing my potential OTWC (On The Water Cool(tm)) factor a bit and that's disappointing. One way to get flexible, or at least the one that pretty much everyone recommends, is Yoga (their capitalization, not mine). I'd rather have my OTWC go to 0 and drown than go to another Yoga class or even watch another Yoga video.

Look, who decided this Yoga crap had to be all about calm and stuff? It's damned annoying. The classes I've been to are all pretty much the same. You go into a basically and drab empty room. Sometimes there's some incense or whatever burning that, admittedly, has a not unpleasant odor. There's some ching-chingy type music playing. The students are sort of hushed in their conversation. Then you bend yourself into various positions of discomfort and at the end you take a short nap. The instructor does some hands-together thing and says some word that begins with an N and everyone get's up and quietly files out. It sucks my will to live.

Why not have a yoga room that isn't so empty and bland? Like have posters on the wall. Of awesome yoga dudes doing awesome yoga things? With explosions and stuff behind them! And maybe just open the damned windows instead of that incense crap. I'm inside most of the day for work. Why would anyone think a smokey inside would be a good thing? Right, so the ching-chingy music just has to stop. I'm not certain but I think I read they use it at Guantanamo. This is a delicate subject of course, music being such a personal thing. But maybe a little Metallica. I can imagine others would object to that choice and I'm (trying to be) flexible here so whatever really. But not the ching-chingy crap. Oh and if I want to take a nap sometime during the day would you mind terribly if I did it like most others? Drink a couple beers for lunch and nod off at work. When Yoga stretchy time is over I just want to get the hell out. I'm there to get flexible so I can maximize my OTWC factor, not lay on a too thin pad with overly quiet strangers trying to nap without a drink.

I'm really not sure that I'm ever going to get this balance brace thing though.